Final Semester – Night 3: Retrouvaille

Another night, another week. Monday night I had two volleyball games back-to-back. We lost the first one, but won the second game. And I played much better than before, so I’m happy about that. Though in game 2, I intentionally chose to not play near the end because I didn’t want to cause us to lose. I didn’t want to do it, but sometimes we have to accept what we are capable of at that time. Once I practice more and get better, then I will happily take over in crunch time. (So I want to believe). It’s all about rediscovering who you are, as well as the relationships made in life.

It’s Thursday morning, and I’m still feeling tired from yesterday. I’ve noticed many people lately are not getting good sleep. Not sure if it’s the weather or what, but something certainly is affecting us. It’s pumpkin-spice latte season I suppose. Maybe I should finally try that. I’ve only had coffee once, and I’m not a big fan of that; lucky me? Anyways, after spending the entire morning in the hot, humid heat getting people to take surveys, my friend and I cooled down to see our two clients. They went well, and I’m looking forward to how they make progress. So I headed to class that night, hungry, tired, and feeling gross from the humidity and heat. One of my friends was not going to be there last night, so I had another friend sit next to me. I didn’t really talk to her for some time because we were in different classes, and she was hanging out with people I don’t really get along with. It was such a long class, and I had not eaten for about 8 hours so you know I was getting hangry. I was missing the America’s Got Talent & Big Brother finales, I found out earlier that day the Echosmith concert was cancelled next month (I got a refund), and this one classmate just would not stop talking in class. I’m sure everyone who has been to school has had one of those students. But we finally got released, and I walked this friend to her car. We talked for about 10 minutes, catching up, when she said I was right about those people she chose to hang around with. And she said she has changed so much since a year ago, and that she missed hanging out with my friends and I.

It made me think about how people come and go in our lives. Both good, influential people and the bad, lesson-learned ones as well. How in life, it is truly all about timing and where you are in your development. There are people I know that I probably would not have been friends with as a teenager, but we can be now as adults; and vice versa. Or how your friends from middle school/high school go off on their own, and if you reconnect with them 10-20 years from now, it’s as if you just saw them yesterday. It can suck to see great people leave, but it doesn’t mean the bridge is burned; just gathering dust. We are constantly growing, and changing, and many start families or become successful in other ways. I have always preached on here about making an effort. It’s one thing to just creep on Facebook or whatever else to see how the old friend or whomever is doing. But it’s another to actually communicate and get together with them again.

My best friends are the ones I made from high school, and yet we do not talk every day. We do not hang out every week. Yet we still are like family, which I know not everyone can say. And though we may move farther away one day, we will be close in our hearts. The friends I have made in graduate school will be the same; most of them anyways. It does get tougher as you age to maintain relationships. Family, partners, jobs and other things require your attention. It can be common to see people reconnect in their 50’s or so once life truly starts to settle a bit. Rediscovery. There are millions of people in the world to meet, everyone comes and goes, but the special ones stay with you forever within. I have met some amazing people from around the world on Tandem, whom I would be so fortunate to meet one day, that I share so much in common with. No matter the distance, the language, the culture, whatever else it is incredible to discover someone so separate yet so relatable. Opportunities are abound for you to not only meet new strangers, but reconnect with ones from your past who became strangers. We are not the same persons from a year ago, a month ago, a day ago. So try and rediscover not just who you can be/became, but also reconnect with those from your past or even present. Reconnect with the world fellow wanderluster. A smile and a hello can truly go a long way, and for the millionth time: all it takes is effort. . .

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In the Moonlight

In the day

We are all just ordinary people

Innocent, going about our lives

Friendly, with good intent

But by night

many become extra-ordinary

 

When a certain moon rises

The good man struggles

The internal battle of many

To be what we don’t embrace

For some, they don’t fight

They gladly will accept

Both in mind and Body

They love the lunar glow

 

For when the moonlight shines

The wolfbane blooms

Tempting the decent man

Into licentious doom

Can he resist

Biology will persist

 

The night is always young

And the moon so bright

What’s wrong with some fun

By morning we’re ordinary, alright

Years of bad luck can lead to this

Giving in to the promiscuous kiss

 

Should he change now

He may never come back

Years could pass for the wolf

Until the person gets back on track

Does everyone go through this

Where is his partner and her bliss

 

As the moon rises for the noir

Even mortal saints can sin

And so he falls to his fours

Finally embracing what lies within. . .

Big Fish

Tick tock, tick tock

It’s 18 o’clock

Go out, have fun

Don’t settle, you’re still too young

Tick tock, tick tock

It’s 25 o’clock

Everyone’s getting caught

Having kids, moving on

Asking why are you being elusive?

Tick tock, tick tock

It’s 34 o’clock

They told you so, warned you so

Wait too long, you’ll be all alone

You’re a Big Fish now, where’s the bait

To whoever catches you, hopefully was worth the wait. . .

Cracked Tiger’s Eye

So last night was my first volleyball game in years. I’m talking since maybe I was in middle school, so about 15 years since. I wasn’t extremely bad, but I wasn’t good either. I couldn’t serve to save my life, and I don’t know why. I was good as a child, and I’ll admit I thought I could easily shake off the rust. I was wrong. We won game 1, got blown out game 2, and lost a close game 3. Throughout I just kept thinking it was my fault, and that I let my teammates down; and myself.

I know, it’s just a intramural game meant mostly to have fun. And I did, but I also don’t like playing poorly and losing. After that game, it brought back old memories of me being bad at sports as a child. How I was always picked last in soccer, and told to play goalie because I was chubby and slow to be good. How in basketball I was never given the ball because I couldn’t dribble nor shoot well. It all came back to me last night and this morning. Confidence shaken, because volleyball was the one sport I was good at as a kid. I thought I was. . .

Much has changed since I was a child, yet the qualities sometimes show up. When I play sports with friends, I go easy on them physically because I don’t want to hurt them. I’m 6 feet tall, and used to weigh almost 240 lbs. Now I’m around 175 lbs, but I still know how to back people down in sports. I only play hard against people I don’t fully know, because in my mind how can I beat up on my friends? They always tell me it’s okay, but I know eventually when I play hard one of them will tell me to not take it so serious. I have the demeanor and personality of Tim Duncan, but the motivation and hustle like Kobe Bryant. I know what memories can fuel the aggression for me to channel, but right now it’s not working.

Truth is ever since the beginning of August, my eye of the tiger has been lost, and I don’t know exactly how to get it back. I’ve been trying, but last night brought me back to reality; I have a long way to go. I have an certification exam next month that I hardly study for. I have big assignments coming up for my only class. Trying my best to be there for friends. Hoping internship goes well these next few months. Still trying to move on from not getting closure a month ago. And thinking about what’s to come career-wise and possibly moving. I sometimes imagine a new life elsewhere already, in a brand new city with a new job; trying to meet new people. All the while, as mentioned in a previous post, I’m just taking a step back and enjoying life around me since I don’t know what will happen after I graduate. All of these things conflict with each other. I don’t know the destination, but I know how to get there if that makes sense. Truth is. . . if I am Rocky Balboa, I wish I had Adrian by my side right now.

I’ve always done things on my own since I was young. I had to climb out of my own holes, no matter how dark, because I had no one else to rely on. Even today the lone wolf tendencies still linger, because my “bros” aren’t the best for sympathy/empathy/nurturing. My female friends I don’t really talk to, because they are busy with their life, significant other, children, etc.. I’m in no rush for a relationship, but at times I wish I did have an Adrian Balboa. Someone who can light that inner fire; supportive yet not afraid to say harsh realities. Someone who wants to join in on the adventure, because going on your own for so long can bring what I dislike: complacency. But that is still decades away, so in the meantime I am on my own and need to pick myself up again. Practice over the weekend, and get back on track in other things as well. As Apollo Creed once said, “there is no tomorrow”, only what we do today. And today, I need to keep trying and find that eye of the tiger again. . .

Final Semester – Night 2: Happenstance

Two weeks after the first night of class, last night’s was fun once again. I am truly glad to have a unique bunch for my final semester. Internship has been going well, as clients are slowly starting to arrive. My friend that interns with me, though annoying at times, has been fun company along the way. Lot of deep conversations of what is to come. As we do public events to spread word, it has been great getting people to open up and talk. And showing them what is out there if they want it. So last night’s class, we mainly just talked about what led us to where we are today; why we chose this program. Everyone talked, but I was around the middle before I was “volunteered” to speak; thanks to another friend. It’s not that I don’t like going first or last, or even sitting at the front or back of the classroom. I know my personality, as I like to think of it as the best of both worlds. I can be the funny, initiative, take-center-stage type of person, or I can be the more reserved, easygoing, let-others-have-a-say first type of guy. It all depends on my mood and environment. No one likes a smart-ass or the person that demands attention, so I typically hang back unless I want to get my part finished. It was interesting telling my path to the program, as hearing my own story out loud made me feel sentimental. It made me think how life can sometimes lead you where you didn’t expect to go, yet it can turn out okay in the end. I certainly have many options ahead of me to pick from. We are never really locked into one path; make the most of the opportunities given to you. Well. . . it certainly has been an interesting two years in the program to say the least, and I learned more about what & who is really important in my life. It’s Thursday, the day after class, and here I am ready for football and looking to buy tickets to see Lindsey Stirling this Fall. Enjoying life where I am, because who knows what’s around the corner. . .

Is Love Truly Overrated?

Yes. . . and no.

It’s unique how as humans, some of our most simplistic concepts can expand into much complicated tangents. Love being the concept and topic for this conversation. It all started with me staying up late at night, in my bed, watching youtube videos. What started with tattoo and piercing videos, led to surgery videos, and then to my subscriptions which includes vloggers. One of which was new and was the generic “couples vlog”. Amidst the thoughts in my mind, one popped up which led to me googling: Are gold diggers happy?  Continue reading

A Smile to Others can Change Everything

 

I hope you take the time to watch or listen to this video. I like watching Matthew’s videos, because he does sort of what I try to do with the people I meet in my life; encouraging and helping others in improving their quality of life. Yet this one here stuck out to me. For those who have been around since the beginning of my blog, he talks about community, loneliness, and fear. I have always encouraged others to go out there and don’t be afraid to talk to new people.

Continue reading